The LeBarron

8 Out of 10 Cats - Series 15, Episode 6

Jimmy Carr: Most people would rather wear something practical than look cool. True or false? What do you think?
Joe Wilkinson: Well, it's all about looking cool for me. Like under this, I'm wearing quite expensive lingerie. It's impractical, but I feel great.
Jon Richardson: Gives you the support you need.
Joe Wilkinson: No, it doesn't. It's the opposite. It's riding me arse.

belonely:

Alternative Occupations

8 Out of 10 Cats - Series 15, Episode 2

Jimmy Carr: David Cameron has promised an in-out referendum on Europe.  France and Germany have said Britain can't pick and choose its terms with Europe.  There are just two things you need to remember, France and Germany.  World War I and World War II.
Henning Wehn: Well, third time lucky!
Sean Lock: They'll do it again.  They will.  You'll do it again, won't you?
Henning Wehn: We're really up for it.
Sean Lock: This is what it's like if you listen to radio in German, and you can understand German.  This is what they're saying all the time on the radio.  When you're in Germany, you don't know what they're saying, but it's stuff like this.  They're just shouting it at each other.  "Yes, this time we will do it!"
Henning Wehn: It's a bit like England before any World Cup.

Big Fat Quiz of the Year 2012

Jimmy Carr: After seeking counseling from a Jamaican high priest -- and who doesn't -- what did Snoop Dogg do this year?
James Cordon: A Jamaican high priest is just a priest.  They're all high.
Russell Howard: He's a massive fan of Coronation Street.  He wants to build a Rovers Return in L.A.
Jimmy Carr: How high do you have to be before you make that decision?
Russell Howard: (singing) I like bitches, and I like hos, but not as much as I like Ken Barlow!

Dieting’s big in January while dieters are big again in February.

“

—	Jimmy Carr, 8 Out of 10 Cats (Series 14, Christmas Special)

Big Fat Quiz of the Noughties

Jimmy Carr: Who managed to set a new world record after spending 71 days crying in the B and Q?
Noel Fielding: *laughs hysterically*  
Jimmy Carr: Richard and Noel, what have you put as your answer to this question?!  
Noel Fielding: Your mum!
Richard Ayoade: Was it your mum?  No, seriously, was it your mum?
Jimmy Carr: I feel like a supply teacher at a rough school!
Noel Fielding: Sir, it was so your mum!
Richard Ayoade: ...and look at your card.  Does it say your mum?  No, seriously though, is it your mum?
Noel Fielding: I saw your mum in B and Q.  By the garden furniture!
Richard Ayoade: She was, like, balling her eyes out by the garden furniture.
Noel Fielding: No, sir, I did see your mum.  I did see her.  She was by the garden furniture.
Richard Ayoade: No, sir, I did see that.  It's your mum.  That was your mum.
Noel Fielding: She was getting the real cheap shit as well.
Richard Ayoade: That was your mum, yeah.
Jimmy Carr: They're really mean to me.  They're bullying me.  I don't like it!
Noel Fielding: That was your mum.
Richard Ayoade: It was your mum, though.
Noel Fielding: So, when's Mr. Rogers back?  Because he's, like, a good teacher.
Jimmy Carr: Mr. Rogers isn't coming back.  He's dead.
Richard Ayoade: Did your mum kill him?  I heard your mum killed him during sex!

Big Fat Quiz of the Noughties

David Mitchell: Although, actually, a Jaffa Cake isn't a biscuit.  It is a cake.
Richard Ayoade: Yeah, they had a court case about it.
David Mitchell: They had a court case, because you don't get VAT on cakes and you do on chocolate biscuits.
Jimmy Carr: Don't talk to me about tax, David.  I got my own problems.
David Mitchell: No, but it's absolutely true.  It's legally a cake, and it doesn't attract VAT.
Richard Ayoade: Can you make yourself legally a cake?
Jimmy Carr: I think, possibly, if I get myself filled with cream, yeah.
Richard Ayoade: Is that what your accountant makes you do?

8 Out of 10 Cats - Series 12, Christmas Special

Greg Davies: It was a little bit ruined for me, Jimmy, years ago when I was about 12.  When Father Christmas came in to my room...
Jedward: Which is a long time ago!
Jimmy Carr: There's someone in the middle of talking.  We don't talk over them.
Greg Davies: I'll take it on the chin for that.  I am a lot older than you.
Jedward: Double chin.
Greg Davies: Just two little marks.  I'll just make those little marks there.  If we get up to five, Uncle Greg will get horrible!

Big Fat Quiz of the Noughties

Jimmy Carr: Richard and Noel, do you have a team name?
Richard Ayoade: The Indoor Kites.
Noel Fielding: Imagine how indoor kites work, as well.  I mean, what propels them?  I imagine... I imagine it's jealousy.  Or rage.
Richard Ayoade: Or just hot shame.
Noel Fielding: Hot shame!
Jimmy Carr: Hot Shame is another good name for a band.
Richard Ayoade: What about Hot Shame?
Noel Fielding: Can we be Hot Shame?
Richard Ayoade: Hot Shame, yeah.
Jimmy Carr: Hot Shame...
Richard Ayoade: ...and the Indoor Kites.